Doc, an avid twelve stepper for many years now, touching thirty, is grateful for an unexpected gift inside his PhD! He identifies this gift as discernment. Initially, it fell under the guise of words from his spiritual director, “you must learn to discern Holy Angels from Unholy ones.” Conducting research is like that, discerning phony research results from valid credible ones. A high school student, not so long ago, addressed our city council petitioning they endeavor listening to our homeless population and allow them voice with respect to their circumstances. We have petitioned same.
Listening changes solutions: this is Mr. Tell’s perspective for this month’s topic area! Doc believes this to be right on point; it builds trust first and foremost! It also offers insight we need for solution-based thinking. Early on, as fentanyl made it way to our community, many parents were listening to ideology called “tough love,” and tuning out cries of their children. Alcohol affects our brain and body very differently than opioids; one shuts down thoughts and the other shuts down feelings. Cognitive dissonance is all that comes to Doc’s mind when considering “tough love.” That said, dealing with addiction disorders is out of reach for loved ones, while loving them is always available and within reach. Doc includes himself in this ideology and has often shared the value of refraining from infringing on outside professional care. The interpersonal dynamics involved within familial love disallow accurate perception for solution-based thinking. Here’s a short story from Author Richard.
Tough Love?
Several years ago, I took my mother Judy to get detox treatment at Lowell General Hospital in MA. A week or so later, I drove her up to Maine, where she entered a month-long rehab program. Every weekend I drove back up for visiting day.
When she finished the program, I convinced her to go to an AA meeting. That did not go well. Judy, being an Atheist and a General Semanticist, would not stand up before the others, and a supposed God, to declare that she was an alcoholic. As you probably already know, Atheists don’t acknowledge there is a God. But you might not know that Semanticists don’t like labels. That was the first and last AA meeting she ever attended.
My family members started pressuring me to stop trying to help her if she would not stay sober. Eventually I yielded to their pressure and told my mother I could no longer see her if she continued to drink.
Several days after that, Judy drove to my house completely intoxicated. I told her she needed to leave immediately. I did that, despite knowing she was in no shape to drive a car. A few hours later, I got a call from the State Police that she had crashed and rolled her car over on 495.
Judy spent the next month in Emerson Hospital. I did not visit her while she was there recovering. When she was well enough to be released, she became a Ward of the State since no family members were willing to take her in. So Much For “Tough Love”!
What I could have done. What I should have done was drive her home that awful day a month earlier. I should have cooked her something to eat and helped her to bed. One sorry son who thinks about this on every Mother’s Day.
Our First Homeless Encounter
Hi, this is Doc here with a short synopsis of Saphire’s arrival. She and her boyfriend, Joe, were waiting outside the office door, cuddled up against their trash bag luggage. She earned her nickname by those sparkling blue eyes she used to pierce right through your presentation. Thin, attractive, and about nineteen years old. Her accompanying boyfriend was dodging law enforcement; we encouraged him to turn himself in to authorities. They provided transportation, comfortably, to his home jurisdiction. Now Ms. Saphire was alone, homeless, and feeding a raging heroin addiction. Living on our community streets, around the 2012 – 14 area with cold weather on the way. What do we do? Apparently, she was dealing with “tough love” from her home life.
A network member, a soon to be graduating married mom of two offered to take her into her family home. The arrangement was brief, as active addiction was unwelcome role modeling for her teenage daughters. I think the hope was a place to stay would suffice to motivate abstinence and remission. My wife allowed her laundry and bathroom privileges, an occasional meal, and that was unwelcome too. It instantly incited bogus assumptions and misperceptions.
“Hey Doc,” she gets my attention. “Do you think it’s a bad idea to accept money from an older guy at the coffee shop?” I explained that it may be, depends on the guys motivation and intentions. Saphire was soon enough in a relationship with someone her age. She gained refuge and supply. Not long after, that would end and another begin. I wonder what Ms. Saphire was truly trying to find? Maybe herself!
We understand human development and comprehension are ongoing. Sometimes the development of healthy autonomy gets interrupted by an event earlier in life. This prevents us from discovering purpose and meaning for ourselves, or so it seems. At any rate, many of our clients were seeking the latter. We’ll be sharing more on Ms. Saphire, Ms. Coyote, and Mr. Fisherman in relation to dynamics involving addiction and homelessness next. The landscape of homelessness has changed since fentanyl, as has its culture. We hope to share a few current lived experiences before next month’s News Brief too.
