Talking with my buddy today and I realized something. Really, I remembered having an extremely profound experience, a short time ago. I was driving along in my van, listening to the radio, and suddenly thought, I am going to die someday. I may have another decade or two or maybe even three; but, the thought touched my soul like never before! I actually became frightened, which was truly the first time, fear of my own death ever entered my mind.
The fear wasn’t of death itself, it was of having to leave my loved-ones behind. I have so much more I want to do for them, with them! What will I leave behind, what kind of memories? Who was that man? Will my children be alright without me there, physically, to support them on their journey through life?
Being free from the slavery of alcohol, for a long time now, is comforting in this regard. Alcohol deprived me of aspiring to be a better man. I made many foolish mistakes while intoxicated. This is no longer the case. This is not any type of death wish or anything. It’s not a premonition either. It’s just an expression of gratitude for being free from addiction. Besides, like my wife says, “bad grass doesn’t die.” So looks like I’ll be around for a while longer.